BABIES AREN’T ZEN

…is to not lie at all. You heard me. The best way to…is to not. (Yes, this may sort of be a quote from She’s the Man, repurposed to fit the situation. BUT STILL!)

I’m serious! Don’t lie! If you do, even if it’s for a seemingly good reason like that you want To Fit In and have Friends, it will NOT be as easy to cover up as you thought. Instead of merely agreeing with the other person when they tell you, conveniently, what happened on the show you said you watched, you will say you watched it before they admit they fell asleep and What Happened? and you will stumble, and they will ask Well, What Song? and you will stumble again and look thoroughly stupid or, worse, like you are eternally too much of a pothead or alchie to remember One Song. Then you will feel guilty ALL DAY and imagine the person has IMed all of your other coworkers to say that You Lied To Her, and if you lied about THAT then what ELSE are you lying about, and then you will find out later that the show you SAID you watched WAS NOT EVEN ON LAST NIGHT.

And you will feel horrible.

Because remember how you’re an awful liar and you never lie, mostly for these two reasons, that you are awful at it and it makes you feel horrible due to Lingering Religious Guilt?

Yes. That’s why. So DON’T LIE, people. Learn from my example. I’M GOING TO GET FIRED FOR LYING ABOUT A TV SHOW.