BABIES AREN’T ZEN

Things not to do on your first day at a new job:

1. Wear a lavender sweater with a pink watch. You will look like a Barbie.
2. Skip breakfast because you were running late and had to get coffee. Your stomach will growl during some sort of orientation presentation and despite taking four pages of notes YOU WILL ABSORB NOTHING.
3. Forget to save your work. Your boss will think you’re an idiot FOR NOT SAVING YOUR WORK. He will remind you to save your work, saying with a grin, “I checked the spreadsheet and it looked like you hadn’t gotten anything done, but I knew that wasn’t true!” You will wish spreadsheets were tangible so you could wallop yourself on the head with one.