BABIES AREN’T ZEN

Miss Switzerland picked damp cashews off of the napkin. They were damp because she had eaten several but had to stop because they were so salty, and decided rinsing the salt off would render the cashews more edible. While rinsing them off she got the distinct impression what she was doing was ridiculous, and akin to something ridiculous she had done once and been ridiculed for. She kept rinsing the cashews. While patting them dry between two napkins she felt victorious and successful and smug. “Take that, haytas,” she said in her mind to all the people who doubted she could successfully rinse and consume the cashews. After eating about seven off of the napkin, they were still slimy, as if they had been barfed up by a camel. When no one was looking, Miss Switzerland wadded them up between the napkins and threw them away.